Free To Be Me

We don't talk enough about how sacred it is to feel emotionally safe with another human being.

We don't.

It's not enough to be heard or chosen. But actually safe. 

Safe to tell the truth without fear of being reprimanded.

Safe to fully be yourself without bracing for rejection, ridicule or withdrawal.

This is why it's so important to pay attention to those who make you feel relaxed. The ones who let you be your full, complex, weird self without making you feel like you need to edit yourself to please them. Feeling safe is one of the most important criteria for a sustainable relationship. It's not the only thing you need, but none of the other things matter if you don't feel emotionally, psychologically, and mentally safe. Safety is one part of the foundation of a functional relationship. And while we are on this topic of safety, let me just say this:

Real love doesn't feel like a rollercoaster.

There. I said it. 

It doesn't. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

"But, it's unrealistic to expect people to be constantly happy all the time."

Yes.

 

True. 

But what I am talking about is the tumultuous, constant whiplash from someone's good mood/bad mood so much that you are physically and emotionally ill. Because it can lead to that if you aren't careful. You are not tracking someone's mood or managing their reactions like a friggin' app. Once your nervous system experiences that kind of lack of safety everything recalibrates. What once felt exciting now feels exhausting and draining. Your tolerance doesn't just drop; it corrects.

When someone cares about you they care how they make you feel. 

They want you to feel free to be yourself unapologetically.

Free of judgement.

Free of holding back who you really are.

So until you find someone that loves you despite the fact that you're a 42-year old mother that still loves to watch Scooby Doo with a bowl of cereal in her pajamas on a Saturday morning, stay far away from them. They will do nothing but make you feel guilty for being your true self. 

Who wants that?!

—

Lucky In Love,

Andrea